CollectionsSep 04, 2026
Chelsea Gabrielle Transforms Pilates Reformer Springs Into Ring A lifelong practitioner of Pilates, Gabrielle looked to the springs’ tension and suspension when creating this ring, our Piece of the Week.
IndependentsMay 16, 2017
Squirrel Spotting: Body Language Speaks Volumes
A great deal of time is spent coaching the correct language for sales. But even more important, Peter Smith says, is what your body language is saying.
Peter Smith has more than 30 years of experience building wholesale and retail sales teams. He currently is president of Vibhor Gems.
A great deal of time and energy is spent by managers and trainers coaching the correct language to use in sales environments. We understand the power of words, and we must frequently battle the need to say just the right thing without it coming across as staged or contrived.
Some of the efforts are trite, outdated and wholly ineffective. “How can I help you?” ought to be unceremoniously retired because it all too often serves to invite the equally useless and generally automatic, “I’m just looking.”
Other greetings, such as DSW’s laughable, “May I help the next shoe-lover?” are borderline ridiculous, coming, no doubt, from a well-intentioned, but misguided, corporate head who likely never worked a day of his or her life behind a retail counter.
What we hear less of is the impact that good (or bad) body language can have on our customer interactions.
Connie Dieken wrote in “Talk Less, Say More” that, “Vision is the most dominant human sense. Your brain processes visuals up to 10 times faster than mere words, according to research in both educational theory and cognitive psychology.”
If Dieken is correct and we do, in fact, process visuals 10 times faster than words, it would seem to suggest that how we approach/engage customers and how we carry ourselves, physically, matters a good deal more than the words we use. And, as it happens, those non-verbal communications happen immediately and carry through the entirety of the customer interaction.
So, what are the most important elements of body language of which we ought to be aware?
In the first instance, we should know that “emotional contagion” is a term that psychologists like to use. What it really means is that whatever emotional state you bring in to an interaction will be contagious. If you approach your customers with good energy and a positive attitude, you will likely receive that positive energy in return.
On the other hand, a negative attitude and demeanor is likely to receive the same in response from your customer; a certain recipe for emotional disconnect. So, start with a positive attitude and good energy.
Alexander Todorov, Princeton University, wrote an important white paper that indicated that we make a decision about whether we like someone or not in one-tenth of a second. That kind of immediate non-verbal communication demands that our body language--typically observed before any words are ever spoken--is extremely important.
The following tips come from some of the leading voices in psychology.
Smile
There is no better way to communicate non-verbally than to wear a smile on your face. Gretchen Rubin wrote in “The Happiness Project” that: “Studies show that you tend to like people whom you think like you; and the amount of time you smile during a conversation has a direct effect on how friendly you’re perceived to be.”
Touch
Leonard Mlodinow wrote in “Subliminal, How Your Unconscious Mind Rules Your Behavior” that: “Scientists have discovered a particular kind of nerve fiber in the people’s skin--especially in the face and arms--that appears to have developed specifically to transmit the pleasantness of social touch.”
The easiest way to physically connect with someone when you meet them is to extend your hand and introduce yourself. Sincerely touching their elbow or arm, as the conversation progresses, is another way to create a meaningful physical connection.
Look Into Their Eyes
Sanjida O’Connell wrote in “Mindreading, An Investigation into How We Learn to Love and Lie” that: “When someone stares directly into your eyes, your heart rate increases, as does the electrical activity in your brain.”
So, go ahead, make purposeful eye contact and use that electricity to light a spark.
Use Hand Gestures
Joe Navarro wrote in “What Every Body Is Saying” that: “Effective communicators use their hands as part of their speech.”
Pull up a few TED Talks and watch the top speakers communicate. They seem almost unable to speak without using their hands, and their communication is all the more effective for it.
Mirror the Customer’s Tone of Voice
Rosabeth Moss Kanter wrote in “Confidence” that: “The synchronizing of a sad or happy tone of voice, for example, is often unconscious, as though the human brain is hard-wired to get in tune with other people, because it is more pleasant to have a sense of rapport. Being out of tune is jarring and makes people feel isolated.”
Be Expansive and Open
In “Presence,” Amy Cuddy wrote, “When our body language is confident and open, other people respond in kind, unconsciously reinforcing not only their perceptions of us but also our perception of others.”
Encountering people who are closed to us, slightly turned (disconnected) or with folded arms (guarded) makes it very difficult to establish a rapport.
Active Listening
In “The Rare Find,” George Anders wrote, “Aggressive listeners gain authority by being incredibly attentive to other people. These experts catch the gestures, pauses and inflections that hint at something beyond the words being said at the time.”
There is, of course, a difference between listening and active listening. Active listening is, absent the verbals, a participatory activity. It requires much more than simply being quiet while the other person speaks. The listener should lean-in, nod in affirmation, maintain eye contact and generally mirror the facial expressions of the person speaking.
Being aware of our non-verbal communication is crucial to establishing and maintaining an emotional connection with our customers and our co-workers.
It has often been said that when the words being spoken are at odds with the body language, always believe the body language. It’s that important.
Peter Smith is president of Vibhor, a public speaker and author of “Sell Something” and “Hiring Squirrels.” He spent 30 years building sales teams in retail and wholesale and he can be contacted at dublinsmith@yahoo.com, peter@vibhorgems.com, or on LinkedIn, Facebook or Twitter.
Smile
There is no better way to communicate non-verbally than to wear a smile on your face. Gretchen Rubin wrote in “The Happiness Project” that: “Studies show that you tend to like people whom you think like you; and the amount of time you smile during a conversation has a direct effect on how friendly you’re perceived to be.”
Touch
Leonard Mlodinow wrote in “Subliminal, How Your Unconscious Mind Rules Your Behavior” that: “Scientists have discovered a particular kind of nerve fiber in the people’s skin--especially in the face and arms--that appears to have developed specifically to transmit the pleasantness of social touch.”
The easiest way to physically connect with someone when you meet them is to extend your hand and introduce yourself. Sincerely touching their elbow or arm, as the conversation progresses, is another way to create a meaningful physical connection.
Look Into Their Eyes
Sanjida O’Connell wrote in “Mindreading, An Investigation into How We Learn to Love and Lie” that: “When someone stares directly into your eyes, your heart rate increases, as does the electrical activity in your brain.”
So, go ahead, make purposeful eye contact and use that electricity to light a spark.
Use Hand Gestures
Joe Navarro wrote in “What Every Body Is Saying” that: “Effective communicators use their hands as part of their speech.”
Pull up a few TED Talks and watch the top speakers communicate. They seem almost unable to speak without using their hands, and their communication is all the more effective for it.
Mirror the Customer’s Tone of Voice
Rosabeth Moss Kanter wrote in “Confidence” that: “The synchronizing of a sad or happy tone of voice, for example, is often unconscious, as though the human brain is hard-wired to get in tune with other people, because it is more pleasant to have a sense of rapport. Being out of tune is jarring and makes people feel isolated.”
Be Expansive and Open
In “Presence,” Amy Cuddy wrote, “When our body language is confident and open, other people respond in kind, unconsciously reinforcing not only their perceptions of us but also our perception of others.”
Encountering people who are closed to us, slightly turned (disconnected) or with folded arms (guarded) makes it very difficult to establish a rapport.
Active Listening
In “The Rare Find,” George Anders wrote, “Aggressive listeners gain authority by being incredibly attentive to other people. These experts catch the gestures, pauses and inflections that hint at something beyond the words being said at the time.”
There is, of course, a difference between listening and active listening. Active listening is, absent the verbals, a participatory activity. It requires much more than simply being quiet while the other person speaks. The listener should lean-in, nod in affirmation, maintain eye contact and generally mirror the facial expressions of the person speaking.
Being aware of our non-verbal communication is crucial to establishing and maintaining an emotional connection with our customers and our co-workers.
It has often been said that when the words being spoken are at odds with the body language, always believe the body language. It’s that important.
Peter Smith is president of Vibhor, a public speaker and author of “Sell Something” and “Hiring Squirrels.” He spent 30 years building sales teams in retail and wholesale and he can be contacted at dublinsmith@yahoo.com, peter@vibhorgems.com, or on LinkedIn, Facebook or Twitter.
More on Independents
The Latest
Events & AwardsSep 04, 2026
JCK Industry Fund Accepting 2027 ApplicationsThe deadline to apply is Nov. 13.
AuctionsSep 04, 2026
Christie's Names New Global Head of WatchesThe auction house has promoted Remi Guillemin, formerly its head of watches for the Americas and EMEA, to the role.
Brought to you by
Your Piece Could Be the One Editors Talk AboutSubmit your pieces for a chance to win in this year's competition.
EditorsSep 03, 2026
Q&A: Simon G.’s CEO on Why He Won’t Use AI for Jewelry DesignZaven Ghanimian discussed the value of human craftsmanship and where the implementation of artificial intelligence does work.
Weekly QuizSep 03, 2026
This Week’s QuizTest your jewelry news knowledge by answering these questions.
Events & AwardsSep 03, 2026
Here Are the First Recipients of Nina Pugliese Memorial Scholarship Jewelers of America also revealed the recipients of the Seymour & Evelyn Holtzman Bench Scholarship and its own scholarship programs.
WatchesSep 03, 2026
Robert Pattinson Joins Jaeger-LeCoultre as Brand AmbassadorThe British actor, known for his roles in “Twilight” and “The Odyssey,” will star in a campaign for the Master Control Chronometre.
Brought to you by
Why More Jewelry Retailers Are Hosting Turnkey Estate Buying EventsRetailers are seeking new ways to attract customers, increase traffic, and create revenue – Estate buying events are a popular solution.
CollectionsSep 03, 2026
Sydney Evan Celebrates 25 Years With 4 New CollectionsThe “Confetti Disco,” “Champagne Cheers,” “Tuxedo,” and “Classic Punk” jewelry collections each capture a distinct spirit of celebration.
CrimeSep 02, 2026
CA Jeweler Gets 5 Years in ‘Phantom Rolex’ Ponzi SchemeNelson Holdo of Newport Beach pleaded guilty to multiple counts of felony grand theft and writing bad checks and was sentenced Monday.
AuctionsSep 02, 2026
If You Love Cats, This Jewelry Auction Is for YouCat ladies of the jewelry world, unite. Sandy Lerner’s “significant” collection of cat jewelry and other objects is going up for auction.
MajorsSep 02, 2026
Messika Names Former Omega Exec as New President, CEO of AmericasArnaud Michon, the former Omega USA President, will now lead Messika’s Americas region during its international development.
Events & AwardsSep 02, 2026
Emerald’s New Owner Introduces ‘Glitter in the Grove’The branding references the back-to-back jewelry shows that new parent company Forge will host in Miami's Coconut Grove this November.
AuctionsSep 01, 2026
UK Woman Uncovers Rare Patek Philippe Watch in Mom’s Jewelry BoxThe stainless steel Patek Philippe “Calatrava” watch from the 1930s sold for nearly $80,000 at a recent Hansons Cornwall auction.
ColumnistsSep 01, 2026
Your Jewelry Marketing Has a Bridal ProblemEngagement rings are important but don’t ignore the customers who are buying jewelry “just because,” Emmanuel Raheb writes.
MajorsSep 01, 2026
Kering Names New Pomellato, DoDo CEOsFormer Pomellato CEO Sabina Belli has been named president of Kering Italia amid a shakeup of Kering's new Jewelry division.
MajorsSep 01, 2026
Anne Marie Shulman Joins GPA GlobalThe veteran luxury packaging executive was appointed to help the company grow its North American business.
CrimeAug 31, 2026
$4M Van Cleef & Arpels Diamond Necklace Snatched From Vienna Museum Once the property of an Egyptian queen, the necklace was part of a larger exhibition of VCA jewelry at the Museum of Applied Arts (MAK).
GradingAug 31, 2026
GIA, Gübelin Gem Lab Confirm New Paraíba Tourmaline Deposit in EthiopiaThe labs’ separate investigations each determined that the East African country is producing copper-bearing tourmaline.
Events & AwardsAug 31, 2026
Wisconsin Museum to Host Jewelry Exhibition“Chicago Collects: Jewelry in Perspective” at the Oshkosh Public Museum will feature works by Fabergé, Lalique, and Louis Comfort Tiffany.
CollectionsAug 31, 2026
Catbird Launches First Men’s Jewelry CollectionThe “Worn Well” collection is Catbird's take on classic men's jewelry.
CollectionsAug 28, 2026
Dolly Parton Would Have Loved This Butterfly Necklace This Buddha Mama butterfly is our Piece of the Week honoring the legend, who embraced the beautiful insect as her symbol.
SourcingAug 28, 2026
Gareth Penny to Give Opening Speech at CIBJO Centenary CongressThe former De Beers CEO, and perhaps its next owner, will be a featured speaker at the event, slated for Sept. 4-7 in Italy.
CollectionsAug 27, 2026
Pandora Expands ‘Talisman’ Collection as Lawsuit Continues The second iteration of the jewelry collection was inspired by the zodiac and the four elements: earth, water, air and fire.
SourcingAug 27, 2026
OFAC Renews License Allowing Import of ‘Grandfathered’ Russian Diamonds General License 104B supersedes General License 104A, which was set to expire on Sept. 1.
CrimeAug 27, 2026
Customs Seizes Nearly 900 Pieces of Counterfeit JewelryThe package, intercepted in Indianapolis, contained fake Cartier, Tiffany & Co., and Van Cleef and Arpels jewelry.
IndependentsAug 27, 2026
Jessica McCormack to Open First West Coast StoreThe new location in Costa Mesa, California, marks the brand’s second store in the United States and fourth standalone location worldwide.
